Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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