Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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