if only i could text you this smell
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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