I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She's the barista slut.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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