Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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