Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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