just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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