my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
