I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
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will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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