Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
