also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
