my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
