I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
