My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
