so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
