theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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