dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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