just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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