If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
