I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
