Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
