if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
