HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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