My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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