our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
