Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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