you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
