Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
