im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
