somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
