All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
