I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
