is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
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next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
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Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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