You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
