She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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