some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
