I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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