Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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