Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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