you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
