How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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