Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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