i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
