tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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