apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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