Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Still dying that you shit outside
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
