I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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