HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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