It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
