Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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