my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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