oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
