it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
