I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
