Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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