Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
