we have officially lost it.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
