Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Terrible idea I love it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
