Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
