um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize