While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.