About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
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It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
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She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.