Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.