I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
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you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?