Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.