I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.