We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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