and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.