the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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