think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
