today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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