I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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