suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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