DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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